


See The Way

by CarlaFromCorrie



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/M, Love, Love/Hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlaFromCorrie/pseuds/CarlaFromCorrie
Summary: The long-lasting aftermath of S22E36 set some time in the future.
Relationships: Kian Madani/Jac Naylor
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Short but there will be multiple chapters...

Great gasping breaths overtook her body, her frail and somewhat limp body.

Pain ricochetted through her, her hair sticking to the sides of her face as she shivers in an abundance of fear and trepidation.

Love.

Hate.

More importantly, sanity.

The high pitched almost screech echoed in her ears causing her pupils to narrow into tiny dots until her eyes fluttered shut her body instinctively curling up into an almost foetal position.

Soon enough her cheeks were washed with the warm salty tears seeping out of her closed eyes, each of them creating a trail warming the dullness of her skin before the chill of the air hit the trail causing her to once again shiver involuntary at the sharpness of the cold air hitting her skin.

The roughness of the cotton beneath her skin should be something which is comforting but the protruding bobbles of worn down material felt like they were daggers in her back, in her skin. She was hurting more now than she ever had apart from the time before.

Before she got better.

Before she became her again and balanced her life.

Before she felt like the walking dead.

But before the before she felt lost.

Her body involuntary jolted, her hair falling over her face like a curtain as she was unable to find the energy to tie it up let alone the strength to let people see the entirety of her face. She gasped.

A gasp where she let out a breathy cry.

A gasp where she would never let herself change the way she was but maybe now it was time for that change.

Change could be a good thing surely?

She wasn't convinced.

Convincing herself was easy, especially convincing herself of all the wrong things. After all, thats why she was here.

She blinked slowly, every time her eyelids closed her tears fell down her face and they couldnt stop.

The ceiling was white, playing out the images of her past in front of her as if it was her own private cinema, her own private torture.

Genuinely she believed her surroundings were torture.

It was, wasn't it?

She left for a reason and she knew that reason was to forget, forget the past and move on except it was easier said than done because memories always haunted her in a way she would never forgive herself.

Forgiveness always came into it.

She forgave Kian for everything.

She forgave herself for the past mistakes she made.

That was forgiveness.

There was one problem with forgiveness and that was that in the darkest times she couldnt bring herself to forgive herself because she genuinely thought she wasn't worth it.

No job; that was down to her, she needed a break but she couldnt forgive herself for that.

No partner; that was down to her, she needed to be alone amongst the select friends she had.

No nothing.

Nothing.

Her mind was nothing.

Nothing but an existing mass full of muddled thoughts, desires and wishes.

Wishes; she wished to feel alive again instead of a walking disaster.

Desires; she desired to be her once more, she got there before with the support of others.

Muddled thoughts; this was her.

The feeling of not being able to change struck her down in certainty, it struck her down with such force she couldnt breathe because she knew that if she didnt change she wouldn't be herself again.

It was weird she was herself, she was still Jac Naylor except she was a more fractured version of herself, a version which she couldnt cure herself, on her own.

But being alone was so much simpler.

Simplicity was something she craved.

It was something logical yet healing.

She needed to heal but still, the sound of the gunshot echoed around the room and her mind.

She couldn't stop it not on her own.

She needed help and she knew that but she couldnt bring herself to get that help because it hurt, her whole body hurt, her head hurt, her body ached and she couldnt deal with it not anymore it was too much.

Love.

Hate.

Pain.


	2. Chapter 2

Life.

It was a simple concept.

A concept which would only be granted away from the torturous mind of Jac Naylor.

Fear rippled through her body sometimes constantly and sometimes momentarily, it was something which she couldnt comprehend right now.

The sound always echoed.

The sound rang in her ears and she was unable to stop it only allowing her moments of weakness to be shown to herself, no one else.

Soon enough she would get better.

It would be a long journey ahead but she knew she would get there, she got there once before and she would do it again.

Not just for herself though, for Emma, she deserved that.

Focussing on something other than work was something which was different.

Something which let the thoughts creep back into the depths of her mind.

It was like it was spreading through her, like an infection almost, the poison of her mind infecting her mind, her soul and her body.

Something which couldnt be cured with the simple use of antibiotics, instead it was cured with an abundance of therapy.

Glancing over her shoulder as she sat at the simple desk, sitting cross-legged on the chair, she smiled.

"You came"

"I did"

"Why?"

"You summoned me, remember?"

"Even so...being back in an environment like this..."

"If you can do it so can I"

"Clayton-"

"Jac" he smiles slightly, she narrows her eyes at him "You need to tell Sacha, Fletch even. They care about you and they would want to support you"

"Support me" she scoffs shaking her head "It's my fault I ended up here of all places"

"You know thats not true... triggers they're-"

"Shut up" she snaps, he shakes his head in disbelief once more that she was pushing him away now of all times "This has nothing to do with you"

"You might think that now but I care about you-"

"Save me the dramatics" she snipes pushing herself away from her desk and standing right in front of him glaring at him in a menacing way which sent a shiver down his spine "This is me Clayton, all me, no matter how much you or me want that to change that is fact"

"But you can change"

"Maybe so" she muses before a flash of anger and sadness flickers over her face "But right now, no, I cant"

"You're not helping yourself"

"And you of all people should know what thats like" she snaps back, he sighs shaking his head "Leave, you can come back when you decide you dont want to annoy me, take your Cherry Bakewell slices with you"

"Those were a gift for you"

"Shut up" she snaps, he sighs taking the box and leaving the room leaving Jac to mull over her thoughts

The thoughts which were so vivid.

The thoughts which now defined her.

The thoughts which were something she couldnt even comprehend apart from the negative energy they held.

Thoughts.

Thinking about the thoughts was ironic in a way.

Irony.

Funny, because to her it was.

Looking out the window provided significance in many ways. The people going about their lives in a way she envied.

But here she was stuck in these four walls unable to escape, unable to live her life in a way which she wanted all because she didnt want to help herself or all because she couldnt be helped.

She didnt know.

That was scary.

The fact she didnt know.

She didnt know how to feel nor did she know what to say to make herself feel better, to push Clayton away considering he knows what she's going through, well not exactly. He knows what it's like for her here, the torture one's mind creates for themselves and that was the mutual understanding they shared.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

And that was fine even though she didnt feel right in herself but she was used to that.

Ever since it happened she felt scared but she would never admit it to anyone, not even Clayton at first until he guessed causing her facade to drop.

The memories of the gunshot caused her mental and physical pain, a pain which would go away in time but never be forgotten.

Soon enough she was unable to cope, her mind making up all of these scenarios which couldnt be helped, which she couldnt bring herself to believe at first until it happened.

She believed.

And that was the downfall.

The downfall of insanity and mental stability.

She was back here again and she was scared that she would never return to being herself because right now she really wasn't herself.

She knew that.

It was the one constant she did know.

A constant which couldnt be understood anymore.

A constant which scared her but wouldn't admit until she was ready.

She wasn't ready, not yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this one, it feels very Coronation Street so I hope the characterisation is ok :)

Decisions were made behind her back causing her to lose control, a control which she struggled to grasp anyway and to her, it felt as if it didnt matter because that control couldnt be used to the best of its ability.

The thing was that she missed being herself and seeing was very much believing.

Sacha.

Of course, Clayton went behind her back causing her mood to heighten even more she became almost hysterical.

Anger coursed through her body in a way, she felt deceit ripple right through her.

The tears fell down her face and she began to shake her head rapidly and pull at her hair slightly but soon enough Sacha walked over to her and places his hands either side of her body causing her to frantically push him away thinking that everything that touched her or that she touched would turn into dust.

"It's ok Jac"

"You shouldn't be here, Clayton had no right"

"Why didnt you tell me?"

"Isn't it obvious" she spits pulling a face riddled with disgust and anger "I didnt want anyone involved this was my own doing and thats all there is to say about it"

"You're allowed to accept help-"

"I dont need help Sacha now if you dont mind I would like you to leave"

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me"

"Talk, yeah" she scoffs shaking her head before falling onto the bed lying on her back and staring at the ceiling "Some people might think you're one of those shrinks with your crusty old NHS ID badge"

"Still as Jac as ever"

"That makes no sense"

"Likewise with you being in here; so what happened?"

"What happened?" she questions raising an eyebrow, Sacha nods slowly "Do you not recall what happened some months ago when locked in with a gunman in Darwin or are you purposely trying to mess with my head"

"I would never do that to you"

"Yeah right" she scoffs once more sitting up and sliding off the bed as she begins to pace the floor of her room "What did Clayton say then?"

"He gave me an address, to here"

"To here?"

"Yes"

"Seriously? And you believed him?"

"Not at first"

"But he convinced you?"

"Yes"

"All this small talk" she tuts before letting out a breath "You need to go, Sacha, i dont want you here"

"Because you're afraid of what might happen if I was here?"

"No"

"I can tell when you're lying"

"And I can tell when you're being a pain in the neck" she snaps closing her eyes as tears flood her eyes, she bites her lip to stop it from quivering

"And I can tell when you're trying to hold it together"

"Leave"

"Not until you tell me what happened" he states looking at her directly in the eye which made her sigh knowing he was now being very serious

"A gunshot happened I took it to heart and thats it no more needs to be said, good you're happy now, you can leave"

"Dont push me away"

"Shut up" she snaps before groaning clearly agitated "Do you want me to make a bed on the floor for you because you will be staying here indefinitely because I'm not saying more than that"

"Stop pushing me away, I want to help; is this about what happened last time?"

"Last time?" she queries, playing dumb, he rolls his eyes

"You know what I mean" he mutters, she sighs shaking her head and biting her lip "Then tell me what's different, I want to help-"

"Well I dont need your help"

"But you do need help otherwise, you wouldn't be in here"

"Trust me I'd quite happily leave if I could" she snipes, Sacha just sighs at her attitude "You dont know me anymore Sacha"

"Kian misses you"

"Dont mention him" she whispers almost sinisterly "I dont want you to breathe his name let alone mention him to me"

"Do you still love him?"

"No comment"

"I'll take that as a yes; why Clayton?"

"Because he understands the mental side of things, he understands the way i feel" she states placidly causing Sacha to nod "Kian doesn't understand that, the man just wants an ego boost and by winning over ice queen Jac Naylor he got that didnt he"

"You're hurting and you dont mean what you just said"

"Do I not? Well, I'm afraid I do"

"Where's Emma?"

"With Jonny, it was safer for her to be there and I didnt exactly feel like burdening Clayton, I'm surprised he didnt breath a word-"

"Clayton can be very convincing and as for Jonny he has his own life"

"He told you that?" she questions incredulously before sighing "You're really not going to leave?"

"I'm here if you want to speak to me"

"Then you will tell them out there won't you, keeping the patients safe and all that because thats your motto-"

"Was once yours and still can be if you want it to be-"

"I'm not going back" she chuckles exasperatedly, "I think you need to see a shrink if you have that mindset"

"Still as frosty as ever"

"Who else knows?" she interrogates, her paranoia rising to the surface, Sacha frowns "Come on you must have told someone, come on, I know you have"

"Jac no one else knows you're in here apart from Clayton and myself, I can call Fletch if you-"

"No!" she shouts as Sacha nods slowly before sighing "No one else, I mean it"

"Ok thats fine" he reassures her, she sighs a strained sigh of relief, he smiles sympathetically at her

"Speak to me" he smiles gently, she gulps and nods sitting on the desk chair cross-legged as she bites her lip looking downcast at her hands which were fiddling with one another in her lap

"Kian was using"

"Using?"

"Drugs"

"And thats why you ended it?"

"I couldnt deal with it anymore I had to put Emma first, I couldnt be there anymore it was too hard and with everything with the gun I just couldnt do it because it hurt so much I couldnt do it and that made me feel so weak and worthless"

"This isn't your fault"

"Feels like it and you won't take those feelings away from me Sacha"

"You will get better-"

"Stop!" she cries as Sacha sighs "Stop saying that I will get better, yes I've done it once before and all that but...twice its too much"

"It's unlike Jac Naylor to back down from a fight" he smirks, she just glares at him watching his face drop "Ok look from what I've heard you've been doing well"

"Who told you that?" she glares he sighs slightly knowing it was very much a wrong move "So much for patient confidentiality"

"Let me finish"

"Whatever" she mutters folding her arms defensively over her chest, Sacha smiles slightly taking her hands into his causing her to look into his eyes

"You might do better with a little more support if not Kian then Fletch?"

"No" she shakes her head "I can't put him through that again, thats so unfair I can't do that and even so, I don't trust him not to blab to Kian them two are...just no"

"I just think you need someone else to talk to, someone who understands you as well, two different opinions you yourself know thats got to be an idea worth thinking about"

"Fine" she relents "Only Fletch, not Kian"

"Only Fletch" he confirms standing up, he brings her in for a hug, her body naturally relaxing against his causing him to smile slightly "You'll get through this, it's just another bump in the road"

"Except its the road to recovery" she mutters, he sighs slightly and closes his eyes "I miss everyone"

"We miss you too, you know there's always a place for you back...home"

"Home" she muses "Thats a thought"

"Isn't it" he chuckles slightly, she pulls away and folds her arms "I'll speak to Fletch, discreetly dont worry and we'll go from there"

"Ok" she nods with a small smile "Fine, ok, yeah"

"Good now try and rest, you look exhausted" he smiles, Jac nods sitting on the edge of the bed as she watches Sacha leave, she sighs slightly shaking her head to get rid of the thoughts wondering if she really has done the right thing...


	4. Chapter 4

The time came.

The time came to face her fears even though they felt as if they weren't even justifiable.

She was curled up in her duvet in a vain attempt to block out the light which was filtering through the room, her head ducked under the duvet almost making her breathing struggle.

Either that or she was having another glorified panic attack.

She groaned at a knock on the door causing her to chuck the duvet off her in a stroppy almost-teenage-like way which she found soothingly immature of herself.

She let out a withdrawn breath and swallowed, her mouth seemingly dry from the lack of water in her body or mouth until she found the strength to stand up and go to the door.

"Oh it's you"

"Is that all you have to say?"

"What else do you want me to say?" she stares blankly at him as she steps aside to allow him into the room, he takes the chair which was situated slightly under the desk

"I want to know why"

"I'm surprised Sacha didnt tell you" she glares, he just gulps at the infamous death stare coming from his friend, "He said two opinions are better than one so go on say your piece"

"Say my piece?"

"Yes, say your piece" she nods grabbing her duvet and draping over her shoulders to keep warm or protected she didnt know

"What do you want me to say? I dont want to upset you-"

"Fletch" she cries incredulously, he sighs "I'm not some broken old woman I still can take harsh words and insults-"

"I dont want to offend you" he defends himself causing her eyes to narrow into slits "And I dont want to hurt your mind anymore than it obviously already is which leads me to a question I want to ask you; why didnt you tell me?"

"Because I knew it would be spread around that hospital like wildfire"

"And when have you cared about what people think?"

"I dont-"

"Because Kian is there and you dont want this to get back to him, why would you even care anyway I thought you two were over unless of course you still love him?"

She said nothing except for lowering her gaze causing Fletch's eyes to narrow as realisation seeps into him

"Oh my god you still love him"

"Shut up" she snaps trying to refrain her body from letting the small involuntary smile creep onto her face "It's dead anyway"

"Even so the formidable Jac Naylor actually loves someone so much for the cold-hearted woman we all know and love-"

"Love" she scoffs, he raises his eyebrows "Yeah because love is so simplistic"

"It can be revitalising"

"What is this?"

"What's what?"

"All this" she waves her finger around in the air "Are you trying to psycho-analyse me?"

"What? No-"

"I'm joking," she remarks noticing the panic in his expression and voice "I can still joke and be sarcastic in an insane asylum-"

"Dont call it that" he sighs going to sit on the edge of the bed, she looks up at him with a lopsided smile "Sacha also said you needed my help"

"Your help?"

"Yes, my help. He said you might need a second opinion on your feelings and the way you feel about certain things"

"And what things are these?"

"Fine...Kian and him visiting you"

"I didnt say that" she mutters narrowing her eyes in utter suspicion mentally berating herself for becoming that readable to Sacha "Even so Sacha shouldn't have divulged that information to you-"

"Jac stop panicking" he sighs taking her hands, she shakes her head biting her lip "I want to help so tell me what you need"

"Is he clean?" she whispers looking up at Fletch, he smiles and nods seeing the genuine intrigue in her eyes and facial expression

"He was struggling at first when you left, I dont want to make you feel guilty Jac"

"You won't"

"When you left after the siege he..."

"Right" she nods slowly before sighing "Ok"

"He's clean now though, has been for a couple of months" he assures her, she gulps and nods slowly before lying back on the bed "So do you want to see him?"

"I dont know" she softens slightly closing her eyes "I loved him Fletch"

"I know"

"And you know I dont tell a lot of people I love them-"

"I know"

"So what do I do?"

"I think you should see him, I'll speak to him if you want and you know I will do it discreetly and I will recite to him what you say to me if you want me to"

"Ok, yeah" she nods slowly "I'll see him"

"Really?" he questions kind of confused that all her defences were down and he could just speak to her freely without any witty remark or sarcastic slur but when he looked at her again he could tell she was exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes from the utmost torture of her mind

"Yeah"

"Alright well I'll head off and get that sorted for you as long as you're sure thats what you want?"

"I'm sure" she yawns tiredly pulling the duvet over her body causing him to smile, he leans over and kisses her on the forehead which she scrunches her face up at before settling down underneath the covers and drifting off into a peaceful slumber...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flits around so much I'm sorry but it does have a happy ending :)

Hearing the blood rush in her head she felt as if her breath was literally taken away from her.

Fear.

She blinked rapidly, the ever collecting moisture in her eyes coating them to the extent the tears started to fall down her face.

Both presences in the room stood still looking at each other.

Neither of them able to come up with the words to start the conversation knowing that either one of them would snap, most likely Jac.

Soon enough she found the courage.

The courage to move soon found her and she walked briskly over to him chucking her arms around his neck and kissing him with such passion it almost took his breath away.

The kiss was heavenly, a dream almost.

A dream which both of them wanted to be their forever.

Their reality.

His hands dragged gently through her copper hair as the kiss came to a natural end allowing them to look at each other in the eyes.

None of them spoke.

Instead, she took his hand and laid on the bed, she tapped the space next to her and he shuffled beside her.

Jac rested her head on Kian's chest listening to him breathe in and out as he massaged her scalp gently.

Soon enough he started to feel dampness on his shirt, he gently took a couple of his fingers and hooked them under Jac's chin to guide her face up to his seeing the tears smarting her eyes and gliding down her cheeks.

Kian used his thumb to wipe the tears and he kissed her on the top of her head as she settled down on his chest again.

"I'm sorry"

"Dont apologise"

"I should have told you"

"I should have told you things as well"

"You think?" she scoffs him a steely glare as she sits up cross-legged on the bed "You looked after my child drugged up to your eyeballs and all you can bring yourself to say is 'I should have told you things as well'?"

"Jac you obviously asked Fletch and Sacha to talk to me for a reason" he ignores her obvious jibe, she just sniffles slightly "Talk to me, I'm here for you"

"Like you were once before?"

"Yes, like I was before" he confirms, she eyes him up and bites her lip, her teeth sinking down into her bottom lip as she stands up and walks over the window which she sits on the window sill "So speak to me?"

"There's nothing to say, I just wanted to see you"

"Because?"

"Because...it doesn't matter" she mutters dismissively "I've been in this position before and I will get through it and to be honest I dont know why I asked you here, you should go"

"Come on Jac don't push me away" he sighs in annoyance at her persistence not to say anything "You obviously want to speak to me otherwise you wouldn't have asked me here"

"Shut up" she snaps glaring at him, he slides off the bed and walks over to her "Dont you dare touch me otherwise I will scream and shout and have you removed"

He just looks at her trying to compose herself, her voice wavering rather dramatically and vividly in front of his eyes.

Gingerly he reaches out and touches her hand careful not to push too far but to his surprise, she linked her fingers around his almost gripping on for dear life maybe in a brief attempt to ground herself.

"I want to help"

"I know you do" she softens slightly, he offers her a cheeky grin causing a small grin to flicker over her features

"So speak to me" he suggests, she nods slowly walking into his awaiting arms and falling into the calmness of his body, his hands securing themselves around her

"I feel lost"

"Lost?" he queries, she looks up at him and nods sadly allowing him to walk her over to the bed as they both lay on it

"Yeah lost" she nods "And sad, and scared, and I dont feel like me"

"You're an amazing person Jac-"

"Kian I didnt ask you to come here to compliment me" she mutters, he raises his eyebrows "I invited you here for you to listen"

"Listen...I can listen"

"You're doing a great job at it so far" she rolls her eyes, he grins cheekily at her causing her to nudge him "Just listen, I dont want fixes I just want someone to listen who knows me"

"I definitely know you" he smirks, she just glares at him

"If you're not going to take this seriously leave" she snaps, he sighs and nods gesturing for her to rest her head on his chest which she does

"I'm listening"

"After the shooting, I had to leave I knew it would affect me I guess maybe, oh I dont know...it did effect me I went off with Clayton and soon enough he could tell it was eating me up from the inside out and then one thing led to another and I ended up in here"

"How long have you been in here then?"

"A month or so, I'm better than I was" she confirms cautiously unsure if she actually was better "Well I think I am... Anyway, all I could hear was the gunshots in my head, I could just hear them and they were ringing in my head and I couldnt stop them it was almost like I could feel the pain before..."

"Before as in?"

"Yeah when I got shot" she confirms, he nods slowly watching her look into his eyes knowing they were both being sincere about this whole situation

They sat in silence for a bit, Kian was wondering if she had actually fallen asleep as she hadn't said anything in a while especially with the way his fingers were massaging her head gently.

"I was so scared" she whispers, he bends down to kiss her on the back of the head "I literally thought I was in pain, I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would be dripping in sweat and sometimes I would scream alerting Clayton and thats how he knew something was probably up and that I was holding back on him"

"I saw you go off with him, that night"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"How did you feel?" she asks peering up at him with the utmost curiosity "Be honest"

"I felt like my heart was ripped out" he states as Jac nods slowly "It hurt me to see you go off with him so much that i...you know"

"I know" she takes his hand and squeezes it before planting a soft kiss on his knuckles, "Sacha told me, Fletch..."

"Oh right," he says unsure of how she felt about it "I'm sorry"

"It's fine" she brushes him off "I'm not fine though and that is so hard to admit especially when it's-"

"When you're Jac 'Ice Queen' Naylor?"

"Yeah, that" she nods slightly letting out a chuckle "But I knew I had to be in here for Emma, and for myself to get better so that I could be a better mum to her"

"I went to rehab"

"Rehab?" she queries looking up at him with a soft frown "I bet that did wonders for your pride and masculinity"

"Forever the romantic" he nudges her, she grins cheekily at him "Or should I say sarcastic?"

"Funny" she pokes him in the side causing a smirk "Seriously though you really went to rehab?"

"Max said it was a requirement" he mutters, she sighs slightly "What?"

"So you didnt get better for yourself?"

"I don't understand"

"This is also something which I was afraid of"

"How do you mean?"

"I was hoping that with me running away as I did you would find the courage to get better for yourself not for other people, believe in yourself almost..."

"Jac-"

"Thats why I had to leave to make you realise you cant do that to me, I dont want to be needed like that to cure an addiction, thats not the point thats not what I want and you shouldn't want it either. You should have grown a pair and got better for yourself"

"Calm down" he whispers as she shakes her head biting her lip knowing she was starting to get very agitated "I understand"

"Do you though?" she questions blankly and bluntly, he sighs "So you're clean then?"

"Have been ever since"

"Right, I'm happy for you"

"Really? You dont look it" he chuckles slightly as she offers him a glare, her eyes narrowing

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure?"

"Did you even love me?"

"Yes"

"I loved you too" she responds with a smile, he smiles back at her "I'm sorry it had to end like this but I need to say this and it won't be easy for either of us"

"Ok"

"I can't do this not until we start doing things for ourselves"

"I dont understand"

"I can't be with you until you realise that you need to get better for yourself not me, you dont need to please me Kian all I want to do is love you and be seen as someone who is loved by you I dont want to be the cure to your addiction and I want you to get better for yourself so you can understand that you can be clean for yourself-"

"I am clean though"

"I mean the next time, because there will be a next time" hse whispers, he nods slowly "There will always be a next time-"

"Not necessarily"

"You're not listening to me" she protests folding her arms across her chest as if she was a child "We can't do this, we can't have a future Kian, I'm sorry, I really am"

"Jac done push me away, please"

"I dont know what to do" she stresses, he sighs and nods sitting in front of her and taking her hands into his, she gulps and looks up at him with tears in her eyes "I want to heal"

"I do too" he cups her cheek as she looks into his eyes, her eyes pooling with salty tears

"I dont know if i-"

"I dont know if I can either"

"But you want to try?"

"I want to try" he confirms "If it doesn't work, it doesn't work"

"And if it works"

"Then we will be happy"

"Happy" she muses with a small smile "It's been a long time since I've felt that"

"Me too but I think we can, both of us, if we helped each other even if it may be difficult, even if there may be times where it is difficult"

"I want to hold you in my arms and protect you"

"What if it's just words?"

"It's not because I love you Jac, so much"

"I love you too but-"

"No buts"

"I dont know Kian this is huge for both of us we're too fragile right now and I dont think it's wise for us to do this"

"Think about it as it might just be what we both need to fight this"

"I want to get better"

"I want to as well and we'll get there soon enough"


End file.
